As the page turns...

A new year's coming. I must be getting old. I've barely gotten used to 2012! It's gonna be a big year ahead. Some pretty major changes, which I'll probably be sharing a bit about soon. (No, not getting married or anything.) :P

It was a good Christmas. I think some of the tragedies - Newtown and other things closer to home - actually helped get the focus on spiritual things rather than on the fluffy stuff. To think about others rather than ourselves.

Sometimes the greatest gifts are the smallest things. The things we already have, but perhaps need to rediscover. The cozy, quiet room downstairs. The spontaneous gifts from small friends. The thrift store finds.

There's this wanting to hold onto time that's so quickly slipping away. I dream sometimes of driving, unable to stop. There's a terror in it - a realization that I'm no longer in control. Waking reality is much the same. No matter how hard I press the brakes, I cannot change the speed of life, but only the speed I live.

I realize life's shortness when I look ahead to eternity. I realize its importance when I look and see those traveling with me.

I want to be "all there." I want to show people that they matter. I want to be willing to slow down, to make conversation deeper than the "how are you" and "good, how bout you?" that repeats without meaning week after week. I want to do hard things. I want to stop wishing other people would change, and simply live how Christ has called me to live.

I want to glory in the small things, in the joy and illumination of thinking God's thoughts after Him, in making things with my hands, in enjoying beauty and creativity.

I'm thankful for the gospel of grace. Without it, I would be doomed to fail in any resolution I could make. I'll still fail, and fail often, but thanks be to God, I am made perfect in Him! Looking to Him is the reason for hope; He is the one I follow even when I realize I can never follow perfectly. Anything good achieved through me is His gift, His work.

Thanks be to God.

Once Upon a Time...

The softly falling rain silences the world beyond my window as I wrap myself in a soft blanket and open the book before me. The pattering on my windowpane slowly fades away until all I can hear is the beating of dragon wings and the ring of dueling swords. My tea grows cold while my imagination is flooded with the spicy aroma of pine forests, the taut emotions of tangled conflicts, the piercingly sad beauty of loyalty and loss.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A sense of story seems wired into the the essence of humanity. Legends, fairytales, and histories from ages past still manage to enchant us. Why story? Why this fascination with things that have no correlation in our immediate lives? What does it matter, really? That a story should have a conclusion, a "happily ever after", a rags-to-riches ending, certainly doesn't parallel what we see of reality.

And yet it resonates.

I don't know if you've ever found this, but there can be times when fiction seems to expose a truer truth, a higher reality than we see with our eyes. Through words penned by another soul, longings are awakened for a country beyond imagination, a place we inexplicably know is home.

Perhaps it is because we belong to such a story.

It is written - written for us, written of us. The cynics may scoff, but there is a spotless bride, a coming King, a sleeper who was awakened, a love that is real. God is the ultimate author of all that is good. When our souls are stirred with the beauty of a well-crafted tale, perhaps it is because it is a reflection, in some vague way, of the story He has written. Even when reality shatters romantic idealism, there is an unseen reality that shines to defy the impossible, to redeem the irredeemable.

Existence would be flat and lifeless unless it was embodied by story. We do not read only the last page, when Prince Charming appears to rescue the princess and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. The biting of our nails when the challenges seem insurmountable, the mirth of watching the hapless hero bumbling about, the bright fairy-tale colours on every page - these exist for a purpose of no less beauty. While prone to sin and human error, and having been used for ignoble purposes, God has gifted us with imagination and emotion because they are good. Thoughts and feelings have a purpose, meaning, and beauty - they are not reduced in meaning simply because of the greater, overarching story.

Likewise, the love of God exists not only for a certain end, but during every moment - He loves us not for what we can perform, but at every moment, and in every season - and for each moment there is a purpose, not only as a means to the end, but because God has breathed intrinsic value into every instant of time. There is a Story of greater beauty than any that has ever been penned by men, which is lived by everyone who believes. Abraham and Sarah, living in tents in the wilderness, looked ahead to the days of the unseen, promised city. Moses, a prince of Egypt, turned his back on earthly treasure to seek the reward of heaven. Rahab, a prostitute, was declared righteous for her belief and given a place of honor as an ancestor of the Messiah. A great cloud of witnesses goes before us, testifying to His glory, which outshines the value of anything real or imagined.

So let us imagine, let us dream, but oh! May we know the firm reality, the infinite depths of what exists for us in Christ. May we live, truly live, knowing that the great King is coming soon! The greatest love has come, chains are being undone, and we have a battle to fight!

Reflections of Reality

A thrill runs through you when, amidst the fog of false illusion, you catch a glimpse of the reflection, clearly outlined in colour against a background of gray. For only a moment it remains visible before the image fades, but this unimaginable reality remains etched upon your soul as if you have suddenly been awoken from a lifetime of death. That single beam of light, caught for a moment, is enough to convey purpose, eternity, reality - where they never before existed.

The star, which they had seen in the east, went on before them until it came and stood over the place where the Child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. (Matt 2:9-10)

How could pain or mourning ever shake us again? We have partaken of the water our souls were born thirsting for, and one day we will see the Light our eyes hunger for, for this Light has been born in us. Now that our eyes have once beheld it, we begin to see the Light reflecting on the surface of the lake at sunset. We see it falling dappled on the ground through leafy canopies. It is reflected in the pain-filled eyes of the little boy who speaks of love, of Jesus, while he lies helplessly trapped within a web of IV tubes and monitors. It is in the sublime simplicity of a child's heartfelt prayer. We receive a glimpse of the Light that came, but this is not satisfaction - it is longing, a joyful longing perfected by unassailable hope.

I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life. (John 8:12)

How dreadful to look once and soon forget, but how marvelous to see and remember - to savor and anticipate the culmination of what is promised us forever. And this brings humility, because we realize that we do not see as He sees. we do not see all things, but God has promised to one day reveal all things to us, for He has given His son - the manifestation of his glory.

In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. (John 1:4-5) 

And yet we have been chosen to see Him who is the radiance of His glory, all because He came to us.  How can we understand this, when we have not yet seen Him in the flesh? How can we fathom it? How can we know it to be true?

We have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God. (1 Cor 2:12)

The unseen has been revealed, because the Spirit of Christ, God himself, lives in us!

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. (Isa 9:6)

This Christmas, in each heart who has been reborn, may every reflection of His glory cause us to long for the day in which we see Him. Jesus, who came to this world as Light wrapped in human flesh, is our salvation and our eternal ambition. No mirror reflects an image unless the light is present. May His Light ever shine within us. Look for Him, and rejoice in Him!

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor 13:12)

Eternity

This is a post that has been a long time in coming. Partly because it's going to talk about some things I'm not so excited to bring up. But at the same time, God is using them to transform my heart, and yes, I am excited about that.  In case you're wondering, this is kind of a book review, but more what God has been teaching me through His Word, as well as through Francis Chan's book, "Erasing Hell".

I am so overwhelmed by who God is - so in awe, though not fully comprehending; so in love, though without His grace I could not love.  I just finished reading "Erasing Hell" by Francis Chan last week.  The last chapters broke through to me so clearly with the message that I do not worship a God who is created or confined to an image in my imagination, or even who submits to what I see as right and wrong.  Once again, the Holy Spirit is lifting me beyond my comfortable patterns of thinking about and relating to God.

Take the doctrine of Hell.  I have always believed it existed, always taken the scriptures to mean what they say... tacked it on as a part of my truth paradigm... But somehow it has always remained one of those half-dead doctrines that make up academic knowledge but isn't wrestled with enough to set ablaze the fire of awe and worship of the King.  Reading "Erasing Hell" helped me finally move beyond that as I came to the realization that hell and judgment are aspects of the real, personal God I love and adore.

If you are expecting a detailed, exhaustive look at the subject of hell, this isn't going to be that book.  If, however, you are interested in gaining a basic understanding of the biblical and contextual arguments for the main viewpoints that are floating around nowadays, this will give a brief and thoughtful overview. The first several chapters address the main approaches to judgment among Christians, comparing each view with scripture and historical Jewish context. One point I found interesting was the dispelling of the myth that "Gehenna" was the town garbage dump. The final chapters were the most impacting to me, as Francis Chan humbly confessed his own conflict in coming to grips with the theology of hell and shared again the image of the Potter and the clay. I was led to pure worship of the God I can't measure or contain.  God is God.

But you see, I don't understand. I really don't. And this highlights a huge problem in today's church - we tend to sweep what we can't understand or explain under the rug - whether it's the doctrine of the trinity, or predestination, or hell. This must not be. Personally, I know that it's when I pull out those questions and dig into what the Bible really has to say, wrestling with the things my mind rebels at and allowing myself to seek the answers to hard questions, that I truly grow deeper in my dependence upon God. While there are things I may never fully understand, I am able to accept them because of my relationship with the Creator. As Christians, our view of God is magnified when we are able to see his indescribable attributes and simply trust and worship him in the midst of our veiled humanity. I don't know what it was exactly, but somehow this recent reminder of God's greatness as displayed by His wrath and compassion enlarged my view of God in a way that touched my heart and magnified my worship, not just as something to be mentally computed and put aside.

Out of this, I've been feeling such a beautiful juxtaposition of joy and sorrow - overwhelming joy in the knowledge and worship of God, and a greater sorrow and urgency for those who run blindly into judgment.  Just as I am spurred on by a longing for heaven, I should be spurred on by this knowledge of hell.  I am so guilty of living as if I did not believe, frozen by fear. You see, I want to live firmly in reality - not what this world sees, but what He sees and who He is.

Welcome, October

I can't believe we're well into October already! I must say, I love this time of year.  There is something so invigorating about the chill that begins to put an edge in the air, causing the scarves and sweaters to find their way into wardrobes once again. Oh, and yes, in case you're wondering, I did just edit my blog design a little bit. I was getting tired of the blue, and I'm liking the neutral thing for fall. :)

October always brings a sort of rhythm to routine.  The textbooks, so exciting when opened for the first time, have finally showed their true colours, be it for good or ill.  This school year has felt different in some ways, but I'm still with the same school, working with the same teachers, so it hasn't quite registered that I graduated in June (though it's not official until I finish this extra course).  Honestly, I'm happy to still be studying - I'm finding my History course pretty fascinating... though I am beginning to look forward to finishing and moving on to university. :)

I'm thankful my schedule isn't too crazy this year, because even though I always end up busier than I expected, I have some extra time for studying my Bible and reading books that have been on my list for a while.  Like Francis Chan's "Erasing Hell" - more on that coming soon. You see, I don't want to become dead to things that are difficult to understand - even though it's so much easier to ignore them.  I've been reading a number of books recently that have expounded on topics I agree with, but don't necessarily like to dwell on.  They've brought up the big questions in life - things like, "why would a loving God send people to hell?" and, "why does God choose some and not others?" Again and again, I am brought face to face with old realities that I am only slowly coming to embrace with my heart and life.  Oh how I want to go beyond academic acknowledgement and lay my all down for a God who is greater than I can fathom.

God has given so many blessings - times of rest and reassurance, and the continually growing knowledge that the Lord is my shepherd. For those of us in Canada, Thanksgiving is this weekend. I have so much to be thankful for. Truly. May I never lose sight of the precious gospel in the midst of this abundance - I need nothing else.

Contentment: The Heart That Gives

Continuing to think on the track of the last post, I just wanted to share some scriptures that stuck out to me when I was looking up contentment. Compared to how the world thinks, these things are revolutionary - just as they were in the world Jesus and the apostles taught in.

I was just recalling the parable in Luke 12 today, about the rich man who planned to build bigger barns for his harvest. To him, God said, "'You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?' So is the man who stores up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God." Often, our attitude towards wealth includes the notion of storing it up, accumulating it, counting our pennies.  Though we can do this with money, the point is that we cannot do the same with the days of our life. There is no such thing as putting our days in a savings account, or buying stocks in life-lengthener.

Paul wrote similarly in 1 Tim 6:6-10,

"But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

Going back a bit farther in time, to the ministry of John the Baptist, I found it interesting to see what the forerunner of Jesus had to say to those who questioned him about the proper response in light of the coming wrath.

"'The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.' And some tax collectors also came to be baptized, and they said to him, 'Teacher, what shall we do?' And he said to them, 'Collect no more than what you have been ordered to.' Some soldiers were questioning him, saying, 'And what about us, what shall we do?' And he said to them, 'Do not take money from anyone by force, or accuse anyone falsely, and be content with your wages.'" (Luke 3:11-14)

How incredible! Before this, John had been proclaiming the coming judgment of God upon unbelievers, telling them that "the axe is already laid at the root of the trees; so every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." Unlike many doom-sayers of today, John warned the people not to hoard their possessions, but, in essence, to count it as nothing.  The ability to do this requires the grace of God which leads to repentance and enables the believer to forsake themselves.

This all sounds very biblical and theological, but the real test comes in asking, "what does this really mean for me to obey?"  Looking at how John directly and specifically addressed the crowds and the tax collectors and the soldiers, it can be seen that this is not something to be understood and then passed over.  There are two questions that I need to ask myself: "What do I habitually take or hoard for myself?" and "What do I have to give?" This is so convicting to me, as I know that there are many things which I have not fully abandoned for the sake of Jesus. For everyone, there will be different answers. In my life, I know a big one is time. I need to be rethinking "me-time" and focusing on how I can best use it to grow in my relationship with God and be a blessing to others. Another one is my reputation - my status in the eyes of others. So often I fear the judgment or rejection of others. Am I willing to sacrifice and step out of my comfort zone for the name of Jesus? There are countless other ways in which this applies to my life. These are really hard things, although they are often accomplished in small steps... like giving an extra coat away, or encouraging a hurting friend.

I realize that I've been mainly focusing on fruit in this post, but it's so important to realize that none of it can be achieved without a transformed heart that has been ransomed by the blood of Christ and fully given over to Him. When we hoard time and resources, we are merely feeding the flesh and displaying carelessness toward our eternal fate. Eternally, anything we gain will be that which we have given for the glory of Christ.  I love Jim Elliot's quote, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Oh that I would truly be able to forsake myself and live for the honour of my King!

Perspective

Two children are playing outside on this lazy summer morning.  The colours are hazy, the grandeur of the mountains slightly faded by the warm smog rolling in from the city.  The older of the pair, an eight-year-old girl, laughs as she holds up her thumb and squints with one eye in the direction of her younger brother.  "Ha! I can't see your head anymore, it's gone!"

"Hey..." the little boy retaliates, trying this trick of perspective for himself.  He pinches thumb and forefinger until they nearly touch. "You're only this big!" Turning their attention to the car in the driveway, the mountains in the distance, the sun in the sky, they measure the astonishing smallness of these familiar objects, laughing at the absurdity of the game.

~ ~ ~

Absurd? Truly? In our world, most have worshiped the game until it has become a prison; a fatal, self-inflicted blindness.  The philosophies of this world puff up the influence, greatness, and potential of humanity. Our lives are not a linear progression between birth and death, but a web, extending outward, perhaps even heavenward.  Each thought, each word, each step, affecting the lives walking beside and coming after. The headiness of wisdom, the immortal, unquenchable, immutable human spirit has intoxicated the great minds of countless philosophers and sages.

What does it mean to be human? It is a question that has been asked time and again, and has never been satisfactorily answered by science or philosophy.  In the end, man is his own creation, made in the image of the mirage we set before us.  But what if the mirage is emptiness and the image becomes brokenness?

 "All that my eyes desired I did not refuse them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart was pleased because of all my labor and this was my reward for all my labor. Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun." (Ecc 2:10-11)

meaningless. meaningless.

The oppressiveness of what we understand, but which does not fill; what we seek to know, but cannot find - these things are death to us!  Oh that eyes would be opened to see!  For at last, at the moment of hopelessness, when the prison tower crumbles, there is hope.

This is humanity.  This dash between two dates, this life with its vast web of human connection; of love and hate and dreams; of failure and achievement...  All of it, nothing more than a pin prick in the hand of the Almighty Creator, the Sovereign Judge.  (Dan 4:35)  "Ah," we think with relief, "so small that He would never notice."

no.

that

pin

prick

drove the nails through the hands

of

the

perfect

Lamb

of

God

How foreign, how strange, how disturbing this is to a world that is gorged with self-love.  How astonishing God's words are, that we, being nothing, could be such an offense to Him that He would give Everything to ransom us.  What beauty!  What love beyond compare! 

"O Lord God, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your strong hand; for what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do such works and mighty acts as Yours?" (Deut 3:24)