I'm overwhelmed and in awe,
At peace and at rest.
Resolved to keep walking through the storm,
Toward His arms that hold my every step.
As I write this my heart is hurting on behalf of hurting friends... my eyes are dimmed by passing cares... And yet I am so encouraged that I am not alone... either in my convictions, joys, hurts or failures. God so amazingly brings people into my life who are going through the very same things and are learning the very same lessons from His hand. How marvelous it is to be knit together in the Spirit with people I may never even meet in this life, but who are fellow members in the family of Christ! I have been so blessed by the Father, and by those through whom He is working. I am so far from perfect, but I am filled with joy at the work the Lord is doing. My heart is full!
Every time I stumble in my battle against sin, I am brought to look up to the One who is my victory. Oh how I thank Him that He is faithful to bring my heart onward to be conformed to His perfect will! I so want to forsake myself and seek His face fully. I wish I could be completely rid of the sins of the flesh - to see clearly and perfectly, unhindered by these self-clouded eyes. What a battle it is, but I know that in Christ it will one day be won - on that day when the race is finished and I see Him face to face.
As C.S. Lewis said, "The precious alabaster box which one must break over the Holy Feet is one's heart... and the contents become perfume only when it is broken." My heart - my deepest self - must be continually filled, and yet, at the same time, continually poured out. And for this to take place, it must be broken - on His feet! I want my heart to be like Mary Magdalene's jar of perfume which was spilled out with joy and without reservation for the Savior. I want it to be like the widow's oil jar in 1 Kings that was miraculously filled and sustained. Both women held something of great value, but both offered it in faith. Of Mary's sacrifice, Jesus said, "She has done a beautiful thing to me... truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (Mark 14:6,9) The widow also made a sacrifice that yielded much. She gave the last of her flour and oil to Elijah, God's prophet, and her reward was the supernatural provision of God. Her deed is written in scripture as a beautiful thing. She cast away what anyone else would have clung to as the promise of life, and saw with spiritual eyes the promise of God, for which she forsook all else. Oh that my heart would be like this!
My prayer in these past weeks has been for the Lord to tear away the outer layers of my heart, that I be open and sensitive to His working. Even as I pray this, I know that I am blinded with selfishness and insecurity, but there is the even deeper assurance that my prayer will not go without an answer. When others look at me, I want them to see Jesus alone. "Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:12) I never want to become complacent to the fact that there is a battle against my flesh. I never want to stop longing to become more transparently filled with the glory of Christ. Praise God that He will fulfill it fully, though ever so imperfectly in this life.