As the Seasons Change

These weeks of mid-November hover between autumn and winter.  The leaves that so vibrantly lit the trees and carpeted the ground have now all fallen and been beaten by torrents of rain into the unidentifiable sludge that fills the gutters.  Over all this falls the pure, white loveliness of the first snow.  It blankets the ground, muffles the sounds of a busy world.  You watch as your breath forms clouds of steam in the chilly air, see the mountains' splendor, and reminisce on cozy, candle-lit evenings.

Seasons change. I'd far rather view that change as beautiful and dynamic instead of sitting back and watching it inevitably happening around me.  I want to be a participant, not just an observer.  I don't want to languish as I watch life go by, but embrace every moment of beauty, to stand strong in the face of the most devastating storm.

Sometimes I find myself asking, "How?"  How do I abide in such a way that I am assured of my purpose and find joy in every situation? These past weeks, as I've marveled at the red-gold leaves and the snow-dusted mountain peaks, as I've trudged through the rain, and watched it melt away the snow, I've been thinking of these things.

Even today, there has been a spirit of discouragement as I feel overwhelmed by future plans. The future is so wide, so unknown, and I have little sense of what my place in it may be. I've been reminded again of Paul's prayer in Colossians 1:9-12, which identifies that the will of God is to "walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light." These things are His will for me now and forever. They hold secure promises of the Father's faithfulness, and reminders of His incredible salvation.  As I continue to make decisions, I must remember to keep walking forward while keeping these things as most important - to do all things as unto the Lord, in His power, giving thanks to Him in everything.

There is a peace in this. When I look at the many grand dreams that may soon break through to reality, I feel so unqualified, so inadequate.  But oh - if I only remember that God himself has qualified me to "share in the inheritance of the saints in Light." As I embrace this unfathomable truth, I know that I need never fear failure, because my identity is tied up in Christ. There will be days of rain and times of darkness, and my world may fall around me, but I will not be shaken.

Oh how I struggle! But may I continually cling to my Rock. To do this I must release all else - all fear, all pride, which paralyzes me from moving to Him. May I never be so caught up in the "what if's" and worrying that I fail to see the indescribably beautiful moments that each season brings - as I move forward in the strength of His power.

A Full Heart Broken

 

I'm overwhelmed and in awe,

At peace and at rest.

Resolved to keep walking through the storm, 

Toward His arms that hold my every step.

As I write this my heart is hurting on behalf of hurting friends... my eyes are dimmed by passing cares...  And yet I am so encouraged that I am not alone... either in my convictions, joys, hurts or failures.  God so amazingly brings people into my life who are going through the very same things and are learning the very same lessons from His hand.  How marvelous it is to be knit together in the Spirit with people I may never even meet in this life, but who are fellow members in the family of Christ!  I have been so blessed by the Father, and by those through whom He is working.  I am so far from perfect, but I am filled with joy at the work the Lord is doing.  My heart is full!

Every time I stumble in my battle against sin, I am brought to look up to the One who is my victory.  Oh how I thank Him that He is faithful to bring my heart onward to be conformed to His perfect will!  I so want to forsake myself and seek His face fully.  I wish I could be completely rid of the sins of the flesh - to see clearly and perfectly, unhindered by these self-clouded eyes.  What a battle it is, but I know that in Christ it will one day be won - on that day when the race is finished and I see Him face to face.

As C.S. Lewis said, "The precious alabaster box which one must break over the Holy Feet is one's heart... and the contents become perfume only when it is broken."  My heart - my deepest self - must be continually filled, and yet, at the same time, continually poured out.  And for this to take place, it must be broken - on His feet!  I want my heart to be like Mary Magdalene's jar of perfume which was spilled out with joy and without reservation for the Savior.  I want it to be like the widow's oil jar in 1 Kings that was miraculously filled and sustained.  Both women held something of great value, but both offered it in faith.  Of Mary's sacrifice, Jesus said, "She has done a beautiful thing to me... truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” (Mark 14:6,9)  The widow also made a sacrifice that yielded much.  She gave the last of her flour and oil to Elijah, God's prophet, and her reward was the supernatural provision of God.  Her deed is written in scripture as a beautiful thing.  She cast away what anyone else would have clung to as the promise of life, and saw with spiritual eyes the promise of God, for which she forsook all else.  Oh that my heart would be like this!

My prayer in these past weeks has been for the Lord to tear away the outer layers of my heart, that I be open and sensitive to His working.  Even as I pray this, I know that I am blinded with selfishness and insecurity, but there is the even deeper assurance that my prayer will not go without an answer.  When others look at me, I want them to see Jesus alone.  "Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:12)  I never want to become complacent to the fact that there is a battle against my flesh.  I never want to stop longing to become more transparently filled with the glory of Christ.  Praise God that He will fulfill it fully, though ever so imperfectly in this life. 

Peace; Be Still!

Well, I started writing a post a couple days ago, but as many of you experienced, Blogger was acting up and I wasn't able to post it.  With that, and various exams and commitments, I haven't been a very good blogger.  I sort of feel like offering an apology for my lack of posting, but at the same time, I don't think you deserve it. :P Kidding!  Really, I don't feel like I have a lot of direction for my blog right now, so please bear with me, but I guess I'll keep posting once in a while when God lays something on my heart to share.

This may be less than coherent, due to about 6 half-hours of sleep last night at a friend's house, interrupted by three spazzing cats.  Nice kitties.  Sure...  Anyhow, I'm tired, but thankful to God for so many things - strength, the flowers and warm breezes today, my family, my friends, and the opportunities and conversations He brings my way.

He's been working!  There are so many beautiful and humbling things He does in my heart and life each day, and I know that He is working in so many hearts and lives.  Beyond each thing I see, there are, as John Piper says, a thousand things God is doing that I do not see, and know nothing about.

Last weekend my church had a True Woman conference.  Women of all ages gathered to listen to some challenging DVD sessions by Nancy Leigh Demoss, Kay Arthur, John Piper, Joni Eareckson Tada, and others.  I know many eighteen-year-olds who would despise sitting in a school gym listening to a call to being a godly woman who embraces the role of being a wife and mother and forsaking the lies of feminism, but young women today desperately NEED to hear this.  My heart aches for the many, many young women in our world, even Christian young women, who are without compass and direction because they are focused on themselves.  Rather than feminism, I believe that Christian young ladies must be embracing femininity as God has so beautifully designed for us.

Our culture and the media bombard us with the message that we deserve to be happy and have attention and be beautiful, but we cannot blame the world for a disease that begins in our own hearts.  That disease is sin, and it feeds on love of self.  I myself have justified sin by comparing myself to the world, or saying, "It's just something fun.  It's not really bad, it's not really going to affect me."  I know for many young women I know, this is manifested most obviously in the movies we watch and the music we listen to.

Throughout the conference this past weekend, my heart has been drawn again and again to the Word of God as the compass and the very center and foundation of our lives.  Without that, we are, as Ephesians 4:14-15 says, "children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming." Do you realize that we are tossed to and fro by our own thoughts and desires, unless they are rooted in the truth of Christ?

I have truly seen this in my own life.  The week before the conference was a difficult one for me spiritually.  I don't really know how to explain it, but it felt like there was a dark cloud separating me from God, like I was incapable of crying out to Him.  I wanted to feel His presence again, and to have assurance, but doubts were filling my mind and hindering my prayers.  I had been praying that God would speak to my heart at the conference and wake me up again to see my own sin and His glory.  He so faithfully answered, and showed me that I need to truly make war against the apathy of my flesh, and again reminded me to make it my aim to seek Him with all of my heart.  I again saw clearly that God is the greatest treasure, and that I don't need to doubt the goodness of His ways and His plans.  There is nothing in this earth, and nothing that I can imagine that compares to the glorious perfection that He is.  I was also reminded that I must not let my emotions carry me so that I am "tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind," but turn to the Word, which is the rock and the anchor in the storm.

When Jesus calmed the storm in Mark 4, He did not comfort His disciples with the reassurance that the storm was gone - instead, He rebuked them for their lack of faith.  As He did so, they were filled with great fear, and said,  "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"  I had to laugh when I read that.  They were no longer afraid of the storm, but of the One who had the power to command the universe!  Well they should be - and so should we!  Nonetheless, how much better it would be for us, if, like Peter, we would look to Christ with faith and walk on water through the storm!  Peter walked away from what any "logical" person would see as his salvation - the boat.  This is a beautiful act - Peter turned his back on earthly safety, and trusted that Jesus would give him the power to follow the Lord.  But do you remember what happened to Peter when he looked away from Jesus?  Matthew 14:30 says, "when he saw the wind, he was afraid" and began to sink.

For me, this is a time of life when often, everything seems to be spinning out of control.  I so often look at the "waves and wind" around me and am filled with fear.  Each step seems perilous, and Jesus seems far away.  Regardless of how old you are, perhaps you are also going through a time like that.  I want to encourage you with this - Christ is the anchor in the storm.  Look to Him; focus on Him; pursue Him, and live for His glory above all.  This is what I am preaching to myself in these days, and this is what brings my soul peace.  Thank you, Lord Jesus!  What a beautiful Savior!

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
   a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
   though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
   though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

                    

 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
   God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
   he utters his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD of hosts is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                  

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
   how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
   he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God.
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth!"
The LORD of hosts is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.