Cross-Centered Discipleship

 

Follow Me. Matt 4:19a

 

And I will make you... Matt 4:19b

Deny yourself, take up your cross. Matt 16:24

And I will raise [you]... John 6:44

It is a call worthy of great contemplation. It is a call that is impossible. A call that is irresistible. Not irresistible because it promises pleasure or attraction to us, but because of the authority of the One who calls.

It bids us come and die.

DIE.

The Living Water is a deadly drink indeed. It means that all we valued before the call becomes a rotting corpse.

Suddenly, none of that matters, because we see the appalling sight of His glorious, perfect life becoming sin at Calvary.

We see our sin transformed into His glorious life as He rises from the grave.

What grace this is, to be called to Him! It is a loss of all things, to gain that One thing. A reality almost impossible to express, because it cannot be fully understood. Even in suffering, His grace is what leads us. We are called to be disciples; but He is the one who makes us so. We are called to deny ourselves; but He is our resurrection. Without His call, we would still be living in death, but now we die with a great and glorious hope! Praise Him, for He has done it.

This is the gospel I must fix my mind on, because in Him, even though I may fall, I have been raised to life.

Truth, Sin, and the Cross

 We've been reading "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer as a family, and we read a portion the other night which really stood out to me, especially as I've also been reading "Living The Cross Centered Life" by CJ Mahaney. I took the book to my room last night to reread that passage, and I ended up staying up way too late, as I couldn't help reading ahead. :P Sooo good. But anyways, since I don't have anything longer and more original, and I wanted to post something today, I thought I'd share a bit of it. The bulk of the book is an exposition on the sermon on the mount, and this particular chapter was focusing in on Matthew 5:33-37.

The commandment of truthfulness is really only another name for the totality of discipleship. Only those who follow Jesus and cleave to him are living in complete truthfulness. Such men have nothing to hide from their Lord. Their life is revealed before him, Jesus has recognized them and led them into the way of truth. They cannot hide their sinfulness from Jesus, for they have not revealed themselves to Jesus, but he has revealed himself to them by calling them to follow him. At the moment of their call, Jesus showed up their sin and made them aware of it. Complete truthfulness is only possible where sin has been uncovered, and forgiven by Jesus. Only those who are in a state of truthfulness through the confession of their sin to Jesus are not afraid to tell the truth wherever it must be told. The truthfulness which Jesus demands from his followers is the self-abnegation which does not hide sin. Nothing is hidden, everything is brought forth to the light of day.

In this question of truthfulness, what matters first and last is that a man's whole being should be exposed, his whole evil laid bare in the sight of God. But sinful men do not like this kind of truthfulness, and they resist it with all their might. That is why they persecute it and crucify it. It is only because we follow Jesus that we can be genuinely truthful, for then he reveals to us our sin upon the cross. The cross is God's truth about us, and therefore it is the only power which can make us truthful. When we know the cross we are no longer afraid of the truth. We need no more oaths to confirm the truth of our utterances, for we live in the perfect truth of God. ("The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pg. 138-139)

How clear this is, that only those who know Jesus Christ and have looked to the cross can be unafraid of truth. The cross, the place where we see the depths of the horror of our sin as we realize the cost of the atonement through the sacrifice of God's only Son, is a place of mockery for those who love their sin.

God's truth about us. What a heavy thing, for that truth reveals us as completely ugly, completely unworthy. And yet, where that sin is revealed, it is also atoned! This two-fold truth about sin and sanctification is the marvel of the cross, the crowning jewel of the revelation of God's truth, and the foundation of our faith. This is the truth Christ calls us to live in every day. I was really encouraged by this passage, and I hope you were too. :) Let us be encouraged that even when others revile us for clinging to the truth, it is for the sake of Christ.

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, 

and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." (1 John 1:7)

Purpose

I've been really wanting to evaluate why I do what I do. Lately, I've been thinking on whether my purpose and meaning are found in the right things. I want each area of my life to honour my King - thought and action, word and deed. I know that there will continually be areas in which the Lord molds and convicts. It certainly brings humility to realize that at no one time in this life will I have it all together or achieve perfection. Truly, I must be realizing that more and more everyday - but the amazing part is that God accepts me, a sinner, because of Jesus' spilled blood.

I've just been asking myself why I blog. Certainly, the answer is complicated. I know there aren't a lot of people reading this, but I want those who do so to be pointed to Christ above anything else. There are a lot of great blogs out there, and it's really easy to compare myself and feel pretty pathetic, or jealous, or just plain boring... :P How horrible that trap can be! Personally, I want my little space on the net to be a place where I can share what I'm thinking about, what God is teaching me, a bit of my everyday life, and hopefully edify those who stop by. Never do I want to be a slave to anything of this world, least of all my blog.

Still, I love to write. While there are things that can't be put into words and some which simply don't need to be, within that jumble of hodge-podge thoughts and emotions, we have a desire for expression. It's difficult to formulate sometimes, but I know how cleansing it can be to write out thoughts and ideas, instead of having them bounce around unnamed in the vapours of cognizance. Even here, however, there is tension between word and intent, thought and action. Sure, expression is all well and good, but there are still the questions of what and why. And the answer should never be "because that's what I think, and that's the way I like it," but seeking what God thinks, and expressing it in a way that glorifies Him. Oh, I certainly have not achieved that, but I want to make it my goal.

Yes, I do believe that is the summary of what I want my life to be - seeking to know my God more, and to glorify Him in all things. And in writing all this out (you should get a prize if you read this far :P) I think it's more solidified in my mind.

And again I am reminded of these wonderful verses in Colossians 1:9b-10:

"We have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

That is the prayer I have for my own life, and for all who have been raised to life in Christ. May we walk in a manner worthy of Him, by His grace.

Contentment: The Heart That Gives

Continuing to think on the track of the last post, I just wanted to share some scriptures that stuck out to me when I was looking up contentment. Compared to how the world thinks, these things are revolutionary - just as they were in the world Jesus and the apostles taught in.

I was just recalling the parable in Luke 12 today, about the rich man who planned to build bigger barns for his harvest. To him, God said, "'You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?' So is the man who stores up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God." Often, our attitude towards wealth includes the notion of storing it up, accumulating it, counting our pennies.  Though we can do this with money, the point is that we cannot do the same with the days of our life. There is no such thing as putting our days in a savings account, or buying stocks in life-lengthener.

Paul wrote similarly in 1 Tim 6:6-10,

"But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

Going back a bit farther in time, to the ministry of John the Baptist, I found it interesting to see what the forerunner of Jesus had to say to those who questioned him about the proper response in light of the coming wrath.

"'The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.' And some tax collectors also came to be baptized, and they said to him, 'Teacher, what shall we do?' And he said to them, 'Collect no more than what you have been ordered to.' Some soldiers were questioning him, saying, 'And what about us, what shall we do?' And he said to them, 'Do not take money from anyone by force, or accuse anyone falsely, and be content with your wages.'" (Luke 3:11-14)

How incredible! Before this, John had been proclaiming the coming judgment of God upon unbelievers, telling them that "the axe is already laid at the root of the trees; so every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." Unlike many doom-sayers of today, John warned the people not to hoard their possessions, but, in essence, to count it as nothing.  The ability to do this requires the grace of God which leads to repentance and enables the believer to forsake themselves.

This all sounds very biblical and theological, but the real test comes in asking, "what does this really mean for me to obey?"  Looking at how John directly and specifically addressed the crowds and the tax collectors and the soldiers, it can be seen that this is not something to be understood and then passed over.  There are two questions that I need to ask myself: "What do I habitually take or hoard for myself?" and "What do I have to give?" This is so convicting to me, as I know that there are many things which I have not fully abandoned for the sake of Jesus. For everyone, there will be different answers. In my life, I know a big one is time. I need to be rethinking "me-time" and focusing on how I can best use it to grow in my relationship with God and be a blessing to others. Another one is my reputation - my status in the eyes of others. So often I fear the judgment or rejection of others. Am I willing to sacrifice and step out of my comfort zone for the name of Jesus? There are countless other ways in which this applies to my life. These are really hard things, although they are often accomplished in small steps... like giving an extra coat away, or encouraging a hurting friend.

I realize that I've been mainly focusing on fruit in this post, but it's so important to realize that none of it can be achieved without a transformed heart that has been ransomed by the blood of Christ and fully given over to Him. When we hoard time and resources, we are merely feeding the flesh and displaying carelessness toward our eternal fate. Eternally, anything we gain will be that which we have given for the glory of Christ.  I love Jim Elliot's quote, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Oh that I would truly be able to forsake myself and live for the honour of my King!

Contentment: The Heart God Fills

During my quiet time the other day, I was simply given one word.

Contentment.

I looked it up in the little concordance at the back of my Bible.  Honestly, I was surprised at how the verses I found spoke to my heart and tied together a lot of things the Lord has been teaching me recently... I was amazed at just how strong and true and pure and right these things are as I begin to realize their fullness.  This contentment that Jesus talked about transcends all the pale, thin counterfeits seen by the imagination or drawn up by the words of men.

This contentment is not the pleasure of being surrounded by beautiful things, being filled by a warm meal, or being held by human arms; nor is it the state of simply being resigned to one's lot.  How could I describe what this contentment is if my listener does not know the Spirit who grants it?  It cannot be born without the stripping away of every other desire, every other thing from which we seek satisfaction.

Contentment means to cease chasing after the wind and at last drink from the Fount.  Contentment means to leave all else behind and follow the Master.  Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-13, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  The satisfaction Paul spoke of had nothing whatsoever to do with his circumstances, but with Christ who gives strength and hope.  Whether we are filled or hungry, we can be satisfied by the Bread of Life.

After moving to a different church several years ago, and being distanced from many of my closest friends, God began to teach me these things in a practical way.  I had never realized just how much my dependence was on friendships until that time. I experienced times of loneliness and times when I battled with feeling accepted.  There came a point when I realized that God was using these things I was going through to bring me to a deeper dependence and a greater intimacy with Him.  As I expressed to Him my longings for a confidante, I began to experience what it truly means for God himself to be my friend and to find peace in surrender to His will.  Since that time, the Lord has brought many dear friends into my life who love the Savior and have been a great encouragement to me, but I pray that I will remember the lesson He taught me in that season.  I love John Piper's quote: "This is God's universal purpose for all Christian suffering: more contentment in God and less satisfaction in the world."

My prayer is that I will be able to face every joy and trial with the knowledge that Christ is my strength, to surrender every thought and circumstance to Him, knowing that He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28)  Contentment is not merely a state of the mind, but of the heart.  God fills the heart that has been emptied.

Center Stage

I'm always so encouraged when I find music that is truly Christ-centered and biblically sound... even in the so-called Christian music industry, this is seldom the case.  I recently discovered Jimmy Needham, an artist who is intent on making Christ famous.  I enjoyed playing some of his tunes today while running my brother and I to music lessons.  The air conditioning wasn't working, so the other drivers got to hear some truth through our open car windows. ;)  Sure beats a lot of the offensive stuff we hear on the streets in the summertime!

I'm really enjoying the album Nightlights, because it has so much variety... each of the tracks has its own blend of styles.  I love the lyrics in "Grace Amazing".  I'm not sure if I've ever heard a song that puts the words of Ephesians 2:1-5 so plainly... "you were dead in your trespasses and sins".  Jimmy Needham wrote a blog post about the song, and I'd highly recommend reading it (here) and listening to the song - it truly is refreshing and powerful to hear that marvelous gospel truth of God's grace, without all the "fuzzy stuff".  "Part the Clouds" is another song that has some really solid lyrics.

This living water will not quench us
If it's watered down
It's not our place to hide again
This treasure that we've found

We might as well just fold our hands
If we can't call a spade a spade
Cuz we will miss the heart each time
If we won't ever shoot them straight
These pleasantries shading me and you too
Let's part the clouds

And show the world the Son

Anyways, the music may or may not be your style, but I'm enjoying it, and I'm thanking God, who in His grace has raised up servants to speak truth in this dark world.  Needham himself has said, "the most dangerous place for the human heart is on stage".  I pray that ambassadors for Christ who have been called to that position would seek to bring God glory and not themselves.

This poem is the last track on the album Nightlights, and I think it has the power to convict each one of us of our infatuation with self.  May God alone receive the glory!  He needs to take center stage - we're just the stage hands, who are called to shine our "nightlights" to point to the blazing Son.

Be Thou exalted over my reputation

‘Cause applause is a poor form of soul medication

And I’ve tried it for years but my symptoms remain

Still fretting the day that they’ll misplace my name

Still selling my soul for American fame

Treating the promotion of Jesus like a well oiled machine

Advancing His kingdom just to snag some acclaim

Now, I’m both comforted and haunted that it isn’t just me though

I see a nation of people needing to feed their own egos

Parading status like steeples

Do we not know it’s evil to love ourselves more than both God and His people?

But see, here’s where you turn this poem on it’s head

‘Cause the greatest among us came as servant instead

And You humbled Yourself to the point of Your death

Apparently love for the Father’s glory runs red

So friends, will we point to the Son till our own flames grow dim?

Will our bright lights become merely nightlights near Him?

Words echoed once, let them echo again

Be Thou exalted over my reputation

Sitting the Fence and Toeing the Line

How much do you love Me?

That's the question God has been asking of me lately.  The Bible clearly shows how much God loves us.  Romans 5:8 says, "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  Most Christians are pretty comfortable with verses like that.  We like to think about the love of God, don't we?  I'm concerned that we often take truths like the love and mercy of God, and forget the rest of the redemption story - the power of His love to transform our lives.  Whereas under the Old Covenant we were under the commands law as a means of achieving a right relationship with God, we can now enter into the New Covenant, bought by the blood of Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit.

This Covenant was prophesied in Ezekiel 36:26-27. "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances."  That newness of life requires the death of us.  The old heart of stone that is bent on "my desires" and "my happiness" must be removed and replaced with the life of Christ planted in us. Paul writes in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (Also see Titus 2:11-14 and 1 John 1:6-7)

It's a practical reality that you will walk in the direction you are looking.  I know from experience that even if I have set out in a straight line towards my goal, when I begin to look to the left or the right, my feet will begin to unconsciously stray in that direction... and often end up entangling my companions.  When something other than the goal catches your eye, it is all too easy to be enticed by it, even if only by curiosity.  That's not always a bad thing when you're out for a stroll in the park, but if we're talking about a toddler who is blithely chasing butterflies near a cliff, that's another story.

Often when I write, I feel like I'm speaking to myself more than anything.   So please realize that I'm not preaching as someone who has it all together (because that's far from the truth), but more to share what God has been placing on my heart.  The Lord has been reminding me that my heart needs to run to Him, to cling to Him, and to esteem Him above any earthly treasure.  This is all too easy to say, but far more difficult to accomplish because our flesh so often dulls the spirit's response to obey.  Ah, yes, there's the important part!  If we love Him, we will obey Him, as Jesus said in John 14:15.

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This leads to the message the Lord has been leading me to again and again these past weeks.  James 4:4 says it plainly - "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."  Oh how convicting those words are!  How often I fail to live with my eyes intently focused on the lasting glory of the King.  So many Christians in our culture are concerned with not "crossing the line", but such an attitude is far from the abundant life Jesus called us to!  Just because we are dutifully toeing the line - going to church, reading our Bible once in a while, and praying before meals - doesn't mean much when the rest of your time is spent flirting with the things of the world.

Our postmodern society likes to live life on the fence.  We look out at that expansive view and like to say we have it all.  "Oh yeah, God's my buddy.  He doesn't mind if I mess around a little - in the end I'm still a good person.  He's a God of love, after all... He wants me to be happy."  On that fence, we can look out and see a world that promises happiness and fulfillment... and a way to somehow get to heaven at the end of it all - and if not, at least to make our own heaven on earth.  "Follow your heart" and "Follow your dreams" are the mantras of today.  Those who preach one Way are dismissed and ridiculed as being judgmental and closed minded.  Elisabeth Elliot sums up that worldly mindset in her book, Passion and Purity, by saying, "Everybody's equal. Everybody's free. Nobody is hung up anymore or needs to deny himself anything. In fact, nobody ought to deny himself anything he wants badly-it's dangerous. It's unhealthy. It's sick. If it feels good and you don't do it, you're paranoid. If it doesn't feel good and you do do it, you're a masochist."  May it be that we would instead obey Christ's call to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him. (Luke 9:23)

One thing that hit me a while ago is that the fence doesn't exist. Do we realize how eternally devastating it is when we are undecided about Christ?  Jesus said, "He who is not with Me is against Me; and he who does not gather with Me scatters." (Matt 12:30) There is no fence... all too soon, those who make their lives there will find it dissolving into an abyss.  The whole idea of justification has been turned upside down to mean that we can do whatever we want.  Rather than being justified by grace through faith and entering into the freedom of being God's slave, many nominal Christians are "justifying" their carnal thirsts as harmless while claiming to follow Christ.

At the end of all this, am I calling Christians to work harder?  To follow stricter rules?  Certainly not!  It's not nearly so simple or so difficult as all that.  It's all about looking towards the goal of our salvation - our Savior Himself.  The radiance of His glory is the only thing we should be running towards, and by His Spirit alone we can be freed from the desires and lusts of sinful flesh.  We are redeemed to be pure reflections of Him.  The question lies in our allegiance.  We cannot serve two masters, nor can we succeed in obeying God while living as if He does not exist.

I know that I must continually put off attitudes of duplicity.  More and more, God is teaching me how wrong it is to justify time spent in worldly pursuits and thought patterns, or time not spent renewing my mind in His word, in prayer, and in praise.  Slowly, faithfully, God is turning me from my spiritual ADD to realize that I must continually be in a spirit of prayer, to be truly captured by His love so that my feet do not stray from His footprints.  I cannot perfect myself, but He is doing the work in me.  So I can joyfully say, "Living for Christ will be the death of me yet!"

Peter's Perspective - The Passover Lamb (Sunday)

Jesus' body had been taken down and buried in the grave of a secret disciple, Joseph of Arimathea.  I spent the Sabbath with John, Mary, and several other disciples in a house just outside the city.  It was now Sunday morning, the first day of the week, and John and I sat on the doorstep of the house in the predawn light, quietly discussing the departed Messiah.

 

John looked up to the distant hills, where the shepherds were already bringing their sheep out to pasture.  "He said He was the Good Shepherd who laid His life down for His sheep."

"How could a shepherd lay his life down as if he was a sheep himself?  Jesus was slaughtered like a passover lamb!"

"He is God, Peter.  Anyone who has heard Him knows it.  Do you remember during the Feast of Dedication, when He said, 'I and the Father are one'?  He said He was giving us eternal life, and that we would never be taken from Him."

"But He has been snatched from us," I said flatly.

John simply looked into the sun and said nothing.  I could tell that he was trying to hold back the emotions of  grief from the way his jaw was working.

He finally looked at me, and said, "When He sent us out, He said, 'not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from your Father.'"  Unshed tears glistened in his eyes and I looked away as the rest of the Jesus' words from that parting speech came to my mind, and pierced my guilty heart.

"Everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven... he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me."

As we sat there in silence, a figure were seen running down the road toward the house.  As it drew nearer, I saw that it was Mary of Magdala.  She was weeping and out of breath, but she conveyed her message between sobbing gasps.  "They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him!"  John and I immediately stood and rushed to the tomb the way she had come, leaving her to catch her breath.  John reached the place of the opened tomb first, and stood looking in.  I quickly caught up and rushed inside.  I was startled to see the linen wrappings neatly folded, and the face-cloth rolled up beside them.  We did not know what to make of this, but returned to the house to tell the other disciples what we had seen.  Mary had again left to mourn at the tomb, but she was seen not long afterward, racing up the road toward the house.  I stepped out to receive her, but instead of sorrow, her face radiated with joy.  "I have seen the Lord!"

Later that evening, we were still reeling with the news of Jesus' appearance to Mary.  All of the disciples kept asking Mary questions like, "Are you sure it was Him?" and "What did He look like?".  We had locked the doors in fear that the Jewish leaders would arrest us if they heard that we were spreading tales of a resurrection.  Even we did not fully believe it.

The meal was almost finished when a man appeared in our midst.  I almost fell from my chair when I saw that it was Jesus.  We all worshiped Him, and praised God, overcome by joy and amazement.  He reproached us for our lack of belief, showing us His hands and side that were pierced.  "The scriptures have said that the Christ would suffer and rise again from the dead the third day, and that repentance for forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem."  He asked for a piece of fish, and He ate in in front of us, proving that He was indeed alive.

Alive!  Truly alive!  My joy was suddenly stripped from me as I realized that I could never serve Him in the same way again.  I looked down at the table as the others exalted the living Lord.

"Peter."  It was His voice!  So commanding, and yet filled with infinite kindness.  "Peter, do you still not believe?"

He caught the attention of the gathering with a glance, and began to teach us.  "What does the Passover lamb represent?"

John answered, "It was the ransom of the first born in Egypt."

"Yes.  It is a sign of coming redemption of all who are atoned for by its blood.  I am the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world.  Peter, do you believe?"

Oh Lord, help me believe!  I was overcome by the sense of my own guilt and shame before Him, and covered my face helplessly with my hands.  "Peter," He whispered, putting His hand on my shoulder.

"Forgive me," I said brokenly.

"By these wounds, you are healed." He again held his wounded hands out to me.  "What the blood of goats and sheep could not take away, My blood has washed clean."  At these words, it was as if my heart was flooded with light.  Something had changed inside of me, and I knew that I would never be the same.  No longer was I bound to my own strength, but filled with the very power of God.  He had wiped away the former things which bound me to sin and unbelief.

"Peter, you will be my witness to proclaim repentance for the forgiveness of sins.  Just as you have been forgiven, My death is a ransom for all who will look to Me."

Peter's Perspective - The Passover Lamb (Friday)

Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself... I tend to make big plans that never quite work out as I envisioned.  There's a bit too much on my plate right now.  I had planned to write an Easter series that looks at the story from Peter's perspective, but only Thursday's post actually made it to the blog.  I've decided I'm still going to finish the story.  You don't mind, do you? ;)  Peter reminds me so much of myself, which I will elaborate on in the near future.  To be honest, I think it's far too easy to come down from the intensity and spiritual richness of Easter and forget the fact that the glory of the resurrection and the sacrifice of Christ needs to be real and vital to us every day.  With that in mind, please don't pass this over just because it's past Easter.  It is my prayer that the richness of the gospel of Christ would be portrayed through these words, and that I and all who take the time to read will continue to expand in our knowledge of and love for the gracious and glorious Savior!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After the Passover meal was finished, and our host had been thanked, Jesus led us to the Mount of Olives once again, to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray.  As we left the house, I asked Jesus if Judas would be coming with us, but He simply replied, "He will return when the time comes for the Son of Man to be offered up." 

The sun had already passed beyond the horizon as we climbed the dirt path up to the Mount again, but the gray light still lingered to light our steps.  By the time we reached the garden of Gethsemane, the darkness was complete.  We lit a small fire for warmth and light, and sat huddled around it.  Jesus told the others to stay with the fire, but called James, John, and I to go under the olive trees to pray.  The joy and peace that Jesus had displayed as we sang the Passover Hallel was now overshadowed by a deep sorrow that we did not understand.  He looked up at us, and with pain in His voice, but gently, as if to beseech us, He said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."  He went a little beyond us and fell to the ground, sobbing, "“My Father! Abba! If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  He continued in prayer, affirming His desire to do the will of the Father, but obviously overcome with anguish as He considered the coming darkness.  Two times more, He asked that the hour may pass Him by, and then He fell to silence, still kneeling beneath the olive trees.

Our souls were stricken at His prayer. Could it be that His words long ago to us that He would go to Jerusalem and be killed by the elders and scribes were now to come true?  At the time, I had rebuked Him, saying "God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You!"  His response to me was a harsh reproach.  "Get behind Me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but on man's."  This time I would not fail Him.  I would not question His words, and I would never leave Him.

Even with the weight of sorrow and strength of resolve, fatigue began to catch up to John and I, who had been on watch the night before.  When Jesus returned to us, we were beginning to drift into sleep, overcome by exhaustion and anguish.  He said to us, "Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray that you may not enter into temptation!"  We shook ourselves awake, and as I looked up with sleep-blurred eyes, I was startled to see that the drops of sweat on His forehead glistened red in the light from the fire.

He led us back to the other disciples, who had also dropped into slumber.  Rousing them, He said to us all, calmly now, "Are you still sleeping and resting?  Keep praying.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."  Looking up into the darkness, He said, as much to Himself as to us, "Look!  The hour is at hand and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. The one who betrays Me is at hand."  Startled, I saw that indeed, a crowd was coming near us in the garden.  Judas, who led them, greeted the Master with a kiss, but then went to stand beside the chief priest.

Stunned with the implications of this turn of events, my first reaction was hatred for the betrayer.  "Traitor!" I hissed.

Jesus, filled with quiet courage, ignored me and said to him, "Friend, do what you have come for."

Friend?

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Rage filled me as they seized Jesus, and I drew my sword.  I would never deny Him!  I would die defending Him!  Blindly, and with a cry of desperation, I struck out at the member of the crowd closest to me, the slave of the priest.  My blade sliced through sinew and cartilage, and his severed ear fell to the ground.  The slave screamed with pain as he grasped his bleeding head. Immediately, guards rushed towards me and the garden erupted into chaos.  I was struggling in the grasp of three Roman soldiers, yelling out threats and curses, when a stunned hush fell over the gathering.  Jesus was walking towards the wounded slave, hands outstretched.  As if they were the ones bound, the pharisees and guards stood watching dumbly as Jesus took the bloody hands of the man I had wounded.  Putting His hand over the flow of blood, He healed him so that his ear was perfectly restored.  The slave looked at the ground, where his old ear lay, and felt the new, perfect skin and cartilage with awe.  Turning, Jesus looked at me. "Put your sword back in its place, for those who take up the sword will perish by the sword.  If I were to ask my Father, He would at once put more than twelve legions of angels at my disposal.  But this is now happening to fulfill the Scriptures of the prophets."

He then turned to the mob, and asked them, "Whom do you seek?"

"Jesus the Nazarene."

"I AM He."  At these words, the name of God, spoken with the very voice of God, the assailants drew back and fell to the ground.  He said to them, "I told you that I AM He, so if you seek me, let my followers go on their way.  I will drink the cup the Father has given Me."

With that, they were again overcome by hate, and bound Him, taking Him into the court of the high priest.  All of us deserted Him in fear of his accusers, but none of us were taken.  John and I followed the cohort at a distance until they reached the court of the priest.  John knew the owner of the house and entered with Jesus, but I remained outside, overcome by fear.  The coming King had been arrested as a common criminal, and my confidence was shattered.  I stood there, slumped dumbly against the door of the outer court, and the darkness within me became greater than the darkness of the night.  Little time had passed before John came out again, begging me to come in to the fire.  I was fearful of being recognized, but I followed him, attempting to warm myself while staying in the shadows as much as possible.  Despite my efforts of concealment, a young servant-girl started as she caught a glimpse of my face from across the fire, and blurted out, "This man was with Him too!"

"I don't know Him - I don't even know what you're talking about!"  It was said too quickly.  My Galilean accent was made even more pronounced with the terseness of my words.

She gave me a strange look, but left to speak to the other men in the courtyard.  Before long, one of them came over to me.  "Surely you are one of the followers of Jesus of Nazareth."

"Sir, I am not."

Another slave came over who was a relative of the man whose ear I cut off.  Standing over me with his arms folded and a scowl on his face, he asked menacingly, "Didn't I see you in the Garden with Him? Even your accent betrays you!"

At the word "betray", I cringed, but I maintained my assertion.  "I don't know the man!" 

The moment the words left my mouth, a cock crowed from just beyond the wall.  I looked up to where Jesus was being led into the courtyard by guards who were preparing to beat Him.  He turned and looked at me, eyes filled with such gentle sadness and reproach that I felt as if I had been dealt a death blow. Overcome with sorrow and shame, I fled from the courtyard and began to weep uncontrollably.  "Oh, forgive me Lord!  Forgive me!  What have I done?"

How could I even cry out to Him? I was utterly undeserving... nothing but dust.  Nay!  Worse than dust - I was the vilest offense; a stench, a worm, and not a man. 

What unfolded in those hours, I cannot now tell, but from sunrise to well into the day I numbly wandered the streets of Jerusalem as if I were in a dream.  The city of promise had become a city of death to me, and by my denial, I knew that I too had betrayed the Lord, the Son of God.  I, who had been so bold in my assertion of loyalty, was now stripped of all pride and forever separated from the Lord I loved.  At noon, the sun was strangely darkened, though there was not a cloud in the sky, and I knew that this was a sign from God.  The streets were now empty, as if the citizens dreaded some strange omen.  A man was coming towards me from a gate in the city, groping in the peculiar darkness, dressed in the robes of a temple official.  I recognized him as one of the men who had arrested my Lord.  "Where is Jesus?" I croaked through parched lips.

He spat on the ground and squinted at me in derision.  "Nailed to a cross on the Place of the Skull, where He belongs.  And who are you that you should ask?"  Overcome by a wave of nausea, I did not answer him, but brushed past to make my way to Golgotha, the place favored by the Romans to hang criminals sentenced to crucifixion.  When I arrived there, it was nearly three o'clock.  Three men hung on the cross-shaped instruments of torture, and a small gathering of men and women stood or knelt before them in grief.  John was there, kneeling with his arm around Mary, the mother of Jesus, who shook with sobs.  At first I did not recognize the man who hung in the middle, because he was so disfigured by bruises and bleeding wounds.  With a gasping sob, I realized that it was Jesus who was lifted up there to die.  How could it be?  With amazement, I saw Him push Himself up to draw in a ragged breath as He cried, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  He fought for a few more precious breaths with which He said His last words, "It is finished!  Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."  As His limp head fell to His chest, the earth shook, and even the Roman soldiers said that "this man was surely the Son of God."  I had crucified the Son of God.

Peter's Perspective - The Passover Lamb (Thursday)

It was the night before Passover.  We were tired; tired of the jostling crowds who came out to hear the words of the Master in the temple and to receive healing, tired of the growing sense of hostility against Jesus, and tired of waiting for the Messiah to take His rightful place as the ruler of Israel.  Nonetheless, all of us were feeling the building anticipation.  Jesus' replies to his critics were stunning in their wisdom, but we knew there were some who sought His death.  Some might have expected an aspiring King to compromise with the temple rulers, but we knew that the Messiah would never form an allegiance with such corrupt pharisees and Herodians.  He was preparing us, His followers, to fill those roles as the new leaders of the coming Kingdom.  Still, the suspense was emotionally and physically draining.  We had been going at night to our camp on the Mount of Olives, which was a peaceful retreat from the tension of Jerusalem, but the disciples looked forward to soon living in a palace - or at least spending the night under a roof again.  John and I had volunteered to be on watch, and it seemed that the land had been sentenced to a long imprisonment under the darkness of that night.  Finally, the horizon began to fade to gray.

As the morning sun slowly dawned, the red light spread over the eastern hill country beyond Jerusalem until it looked like the all the blood of Bethlehem's lambs had been spilled over the landscape.  Being from Galilee, we would commemorate Passover tonight, being Thursday.  We asked Jesus, "Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?"  He told us to go into the city and speak to a man who we would see carrying a pitcher of water.  Just as He foretold, the man met us as we entered the city, and we said, as we had been commanded, "The Teacher says, 'My time is near; I am to keep the Passover at your house with My disciples.'"  The man left his task and led us to his house, where he gave us the upper room in which to gather that evening.

John and I bought a lamb in the market place and brought it to the temple.  The court was teeming with people who brought their fearfully bleating lambs to the altar.  Many laughed and talked with their neighbors in the long line to the place of sacrifice.  Some stood near stalls that sold the lambs nearest to the temple, haggling over the inflated prices, and disgustedly handing over the sum for the obligatory sacrifice.  As we approached the place of sacrifice, the smell of blood became sickening.  Hundreds were being sacrificed that evening, and hundreds more would be sacrificed tomorrow by the Judeans.  Our lamb having been slain, and its blood sprinkled on the altar, we brought it back with us to be roasted for the Passover meal.

As evening fell, and the aroma of roast lamb filled every street and corridor in the city, Jesus and the other ten disciples arrived at the house where we were staying.  Looking back, I can see that we were so blind then.  During the meal in the upper room, we again brought up the dispute of who would be the greatest in the Kingdom.  I had finally succeeded in drowning out the argument of my opponent when I realized that a hush had fallen over the room.  The Master had removed His robe, and with a towel around His waist, He was stooping to wash John's feet.  We were all in shock, struck by the impropriety of the action; the base humility of it.  This was a servant's job!  John initially pulled his feet away, eyes filled with questioning bewilderment.  Jesus looked up into his face, and something John saw there must have led him to acquiesce.  He next came to me, and set the basin down before my dirty, smelly feet.  As usual, I was the first to find my voice.  "Never shall you wash my feet!" At His next words, I felt the sting of His gentle reproof.  "Peter, if I do not wash you, you have no part with me."  When He had washed all of our feet, we reclined again at the table and He disclosed the purpose of His actions, saying "If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet."
As we ate the bitter herbs, the Lord began to speak of a betrayer in our midst - a thought that was bitter indeed to our ears.  He said to us, with great sadness, "One of you will betray me - one who is eating with Me."  We were all struck with grief, and I was the first to protest, "Surely not I, Lord!"  The others joined in with their denial of the charge.  John was sitting next to Jesus, and I asked him, "Who is He talking about?" He leaned over and asked the Lord, whom I heard to quietly say, "It is the one to whom I give this piece."  He dipped a choice piece of bread into the herbs and gave it to Judas, who was sitting near Him, in a place of honor.  Jesus spoke quietly to Judas, and he quickly left, and we assumed he had been sent on an errand.

Proceeding with the meal, Jesus broke bread and passed it to us, saying that it was His broken body.  After supper, He took the cup, saying that it was His blood of the New Covenant.  At that time, we still did not fully understand these things, but I was beginning to feel, for the first time, the sense that there were great and terrible things to come of Jesus' words.  I felt a thrill of the glory and the sorrow of something in the Teacher's voice that I could not yet imagine.  After the meal, He taught us, addressing each one with love and exhortation.  When He turned to me, He said, "Simon, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32)

Together, when the time had come to sing the last Hallel, we lifted up our voices, singing the words of the Passover Psalm,

The stone which the builders rejected
         Has become the chief corner stone.
 This is the LORD'S doing

It is marvelous in our eyes.
    This is the day which the LORD has made;
         Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
    O LORD, do save, we beseech You;
         O LORD, we beseech You, do send prosperity!
    Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the LORD;
         We have blessed you from the house of the LORD.
  The LORD is God, and He has given us light. (Psalm 118)

As In a Mirror

How do we know God?

By looking at a picture of a person, do you know them? Can you have a relationship by only knowing the outside of a person? The body is not the person. The person is the spirit within, the thoughts and dreams and spiritual attributes. The true person guides the deeds and motions of the body- without the spirit, the body is dust, and without life. To know a person then, there must be a communication of the things of the heart.

God, on the other hand, is spirit. “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24) While it is true that the church is his body on earth, (1 Cor 12:27) we are imperfect human beings, while Christ, the head who is physically unseen, is perfect. He is fully alive, truly a person, unencumbered by the flesh. And yet Jesus came to wear the weakness of a human body. He became as dust to be glorified once again, bringing believers to eternal life through the glory of his resurrection!

How do we know this God? Can we see Him through His creation? Certainly, in a small way. But creation is such a small and fallen reflection of who God is. People are the only beings made “in the image of God”. But even at that, we are only created beings. By sin, the image of God in us has been all but destroyed, and by Adam's fall the whole world is subjected to sin's destructive influence. God is not his creation, any more than an artist is his painting. An artist paints a landscape, but by looking at that painting afterward would you know the artist? That is, would you have a relationship with the artist, with the artist knowing you as well as you knowing the artist? Art is certainly an expression of the soul of the artist, but it is not the artist himself. Likewise, God expresses part of who he is through nature, but appreciating the artwork doesn't translate to knowing what the artist looks like. If you already know the artist, you may find that you know them better after studying their work. You won't get far doing it the other way around because you will only be imagining what the artist is like. The essential part of the relationship, direct communication, will be lacking.

The communication that is so essential to truly knowing God is found through His Word. He has written a letter to all who will read it, and has given an interpreter, the Holy Spirit, to help us understand and live out those words. We are certainly well equipped. Not only are we freed from sin's lordship, but we have a letter filled with assurance and love, the Holy Spirit who is God living in us, and a promise of eternal life with God.

Why is it so hard to feel God's presence? Why do we find the Bible so dry and worldly entertainment so appealing? Why do we worry about our future on earth and fail to be excited about our inheritance in heaven? Why do we concern ourselves over our grades and salaries more than the salvation of the lost? May I propose that our relationship with God is lacking. We fail to listen and don't understand why he isn't speaking. What is our priority today? Is the station of our heart tuned in to his, or is the static of this world weakening the signal? Perhaps we need to become familiar with his voice once again by reading the words he has written to our hearts through the Bible.

May this be our cry! “Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.” (Psalm 119:18-20)

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Tim 3:16-17)