At the closing of a chapter...

When the blog has been quiet for a while, it usually means life hasn't been. ;)

Working part time has been a real blessing this summer. It's starting to get busy with back-to-school shoppers, even though it feels like summer has barely started. Staples is a good place to work. There are high and low points of course, but I am so grateful for where I am right now. Having a few days off each week means there's time to help with laundry and cleaning, as well as work on my crochet and sewing projects. And I was even able to take a week off to visit some friends on their farm and doing a bit of camping with my family.

As it's getting busier at work, I'm coming face to face with the reality that I too, will be going to school this year. And not "back" to school either. For me this is a first. After a good 13 years of home learnin', I'm going to sit as a student in one of those dreaded "institutions" for the first time. Though I have my moments when I feel like a kindergartener, I'm excited. I know I'll never fully know what to expect until I begin, but I feel prepared, and secure in that while I may not know what the Lord has for me in the next few years, I am where He wants me to be right now.

I'll soon be entering a new chapter... one in which impromptu family vacations and my dear familiar online teachers are relegated to the happy memories of bygone days. But as I leave some things behind, and stretch in new directions, I know that Christ will use all for my good and His glory, to conform me more into His image. There are many possibilities opening before me that I never would have dreamed of a year ago. Perhaps the road will lead me there, perhaps not. But I know this: the Way beneath my feet is firm.

19 and Counting

Please forgive me for putting such a weird picture in there, right at the get-go. That cupcake was pretty special, but I have to confess it didn't assuage my weirdness in the least. ;)

I just celebrated my birthday on Sunday - another year has come and gone. Nineteen seems unreal in some ways. I find myself reminiscing about things 10 or so years ago, and it seems like the time has flown by. I'm reminded to treasure each moment and not let it slip by in complacency. I'm also reminded of the faithfulness of my God - He truly uses everything for good, even the painful and the ugly. It's good to think back and remember.

It was a beautiful day... though it was a bit gray and rainy in the morning, and I complained because my birthdays have been sunny for as far as I can remember. And on a SUNday, no less! Absolutely unforgivable! But I jest. :P The afternoon actually turned out quite nice, and I went outside to pick myself some cherry blossoms and tulips from the garden. Really, the weather wasn't the only factor in it being a beautiful day.

God orchestrated it exactly the way I needed it, I think - to not let the focus be entirely on me. Going to church in the morning, worshiping God and being reminded what a holy, holy, holy God I serve... I needed that. There is such joy in seeing His glory - truly, that joy is the greatest of all joys! After lunch, going back out to play hymns on the organ (eep) at a retirement home. Organs scare me, quite frankly. All those unlabeled pedals and buttons and switches. :S But ultimately it turned out fine, though by no means perfect!

Back home, to have a spot of tea and a relaxed family meal at last. My lovely mom prepared a simple, but exceptionally tasty supper of chicken strips, baked potato, and peas and carrots, as per my request. And for dessert - me oh my! The most rich and scrumptious iced cream cake I've ever tasted, homemade to dark chocolate perfection, eaten while watching an old Wallace and Gromit movie, The Wrong Trousers. Coincidentally, it was premiered the year of my birth. It's been a while since I've plugged in an old VHS like that!

Okay, so that was an overload of description, but I don't want to forget. ;)

As for what the next year holds? Only God knows for sure. How thankful I am that He does know, because I might else feel as if things were falling apart, should my plans somehow fail. Lord willing, I'll still be a daughter, a student, a teacher, and all this is in His hands.

Catching up...

Just thought I'd share a bit of what's going on in my everyday life lately... point form! :) Hopefully there will be some new posts up in the next week.

• I got my hair cut on Wednesday! Crazy how much difference that makes... I got about a foot off, making it fall just above my shoulders, and it feels so much different. I loved that I was able to donate it!

• I'm taking a first aid course this weekend. Okay, that was random....

• The job search is on. Newness can be uncomfortable, and I'm a little nervous about these new experiences that are opening up just beyond where I can see, but I'm praying for the right opportunity. I've handed in a few resumes with no results so far, but there are some possibilities on the horizon, so I'll just wait and see what the Lord has in store.

• I've been accepted to university! Still praying about this one - it's a big step, but I feel like it's the right path for now, and I'm trusting that God will continue to guide.

• I'm nearing the end of Bonhoeffer's biography at last... a truly fascinating account, set in a society so similar to our own. Bonhoeffer's writing contains so much wisdom, and much that applies to me and the world we live in today. I'll share some quotes soon. :)

• In a way, I feel like I'm relearning old lessons, as I've been going through some rough times lately. But isn't that the way life is? We are sanctified by learning obedience not only once, but continually, learning to respond with faith in the midst of every trial. A new turbulence comes from an unexpected angle to combat the peace of my soul, and I so easily fall prey to fear. But how beautiful it is to learn that God is still faithful.

Onward Ho!

Well, this summer seems to be sailing by... relatively unobserved by myself.  There are two main reasons for this.  Firstly, the weather has all but convinced me that we have mysteriously been transported to the southern hemisphere.  This is the coldest, rainiest summer I can remember.  There have been a few warm days, today being one of them, but truly, we have had some very unseasonable temperatures.  The second reason for the lack of summer-ness is the fact that I have been finishing courses.  Thankfully, the final assignments are rapidly approaching annihilation.  Indeed, they shall be completed by the early portion of next week.  I have decreed it.

If you ask me why I am writing so strangely today, the simple answer is that I am possessed with a strong sense of felicity.  If you ask me what has induced this bout of felicitousness, I would have to attribute it to the sense of nearing the finish line in regards to school and anticipation for church family camp this weekend... and youth camp next week.  And going camping with my family in the states the two weeks after that.

Books.  I am very much bookish this summer.  Not like that's anything unusual... but instead of plowing through a dozen novels a week, I've been slowly working my way through a rather challenging list of non-fiction.  Emphasis on the slowly.  As I said, I've been working hard to get my courses finished.  But I am so looking forward to being able to dig into some good, challenging books.  Of course, I'll probably still read some novels and things that aren't on my list, but I guess I feel like I'm at a stage in my life where I need to really start challenging myself more, rather than relying on the expectations of others.  So I stood in front of the bookshelf in the living room a few weeks ago and picked out a dozen or so that caught my eye.

Here's my "official" reading list for this summer:

- Trusting God by Jerry Bridges (currently reading... still)
- 7 Men Who Rule the World From the Grave (currently reading)
- Girls Gone Wise by Mary Kassian (currently reading lol no, three at once is nothing for me :P)
- The Origin of Species
- A Brief History of Eternity
- Darwin's Black Box
- The World That Perished
- The De-Valuing of America
- The Thousand Year War
- Don't Let Canada Die of Neglect
- Free Enterprise: A Judeo-Christian Defense
- The Roots of Endurance by John Piper
- How Now Shall We Live? by Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey

Also, I'm hoping to do something artistic this summer... I've got the preliminary sketch of a painting done, and I'm hoping I'll have some time in August to complete it. :)


I just finished reading through the book of Revelation last night... All I can say is, "Amen. Come, Lord Jesus." (Rev. 22:20)  I've always found Revelation a difficult book to read and understand, and honestly, though I don't think it will every be easy, I did have a better understanding of it this time, and God spoke some amazing truths to my heart about His glory and power.  What amazing promises He has given to those who are in Christ.  "His bond-servants will serve Him; they will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And there will no longer be any night; and they will not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illumine them; and they will reign forever and ever." (Rev 22:3-5)

It makes me think of 1 John 3:2-3, "Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure."  Wow... what an incredible thing we have to look forward to!  This is much better than camping for a weekend. ;) That heavenly worship and fellowship will be perfect... oh how I long for that day! I'm just reminded again of the fact that the goal of the Christian life is not to do enough good things to get an honorable mention in Heaven, but to see Jesus! As Paul wrote, "in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing." (2 Tim 4:8) May we live our lives with this anticipation!

And off I go to round up some last minute things before we head off tonight.  Blessings to you all!

Strong Hands

Bright eyes struggled to focus on the strong fingers that deftly wove the threads of the tapestry.  Many times, the curious hands of the infant had reached out impulsively and tried to catch the threads of gold and red and blue.  Patiently, the mother would reprove her child and straighten each row to its proper place, each humble strand to form the emerging design.  Now, her daughter would not understand, nor would she appreciate the effort and love put into the design.  The mother smiled down on the downy head that snuggled so trustingly against her, filled with love for the baby she cherished for this short time, seeing the woman she would so soon become.  The child fussed again, trying to reach for the beautiful threads that were denied her, pushing against her mother's restraining hands. Squirming, she let out a frustrated cry. "Hush, my daughter, hush."

+ + +

The Lord has been quieting my heart and teaching me to rest in Him this year.  So many times, my mind rebels.  "Why God? Why can't I sense your direction for my life? Why do I have to wait to know your plans?  Why do I have to live with these uncertainties, this lack of decision?"  Yet the Lord knows what I need, and He has not left me to wallow in those questions.  He has brought so many messages into my life that deal with these very issues.  One was a sermon series at church last summer about the will of God, based on Deuteronomy 29:29, "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law."  Another was the study on Jerry Bridges' book, Trusting God.  Great book, by the way! 

So, honestly, after some emotionally rough times near the beginning of this year, you'd think I'd have finally got it.  I thought so too, but there have been moments when I've allowed the anxiety of those tangible decisions to get in the way of that trust, and I've felt trapped in it. I would dread the inevitable question of, "So, what are you doing now that you've graduated?" I have struggled with the fear of disappointing my friends and family, of having my decisions ridiculed or misunderstood.

I'm beginning to realize the reason that He has me in this place, and as always, His purposes are perfect.  I'm repenting of my selfish, doubting spirit. I would think I had surrendered everything at the cross, but then get trapped again in the fear that I'm not making the right decisions, and I'd be a failure and miss God's plan and have a horrible life. Uh... Self?  What in the world were you thinking!?  By His grace, I will not be a slave again to fear. 

My Father has been whispering to my heart, "Look up! Here I Am. Seek Me."  Almost every time I open my Bible or pick up another book, I end up reading that message.  The other day, as I was leafing through a journal that I was given, there was a quote by Charlotte Bronte that said the same thing: "I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward." I am so thankful that God is teaching me these lessons now.  Not that I will ever learn them fully in this life, but that I may be sanctified by His power in order to more fully proclaim His glory through my living and dying, day by day.  His faithfulness is indeed great. Life is busy, complicated, and filled with struggles without and within, but through all these things, I can see God's hand at work.  I can rest in Him, because His strong hands are weaving the tapestry of my life.